Saturday, April 2, 2011
Entry 3: Dear Time , Please Slow Down
I'm sorry if I have crumbled in life , I'm sorry if I ain't a perfect human being . I tried to hide all my fears , all my emotions and I did that successfully but in the end , my emotions still has a away to get out . They are fighting inside of me , forcing itself to get out but yet , I tried my very best to fight back and keep them in . It's obvious that I failed . Now in life , I can barely know what is right or wrong anymore . I am so lost , confuse altogether . The way I'm feeling right now is , sadness , anger , hate , jealousy , confuse and simply lost . I know I've got to let go and move on but I simply can't . The past is just too beautiful to let go . I know the I've got to look forward to my future but when I looked back to the past , I saw the person I really am . I'm not emo boy who hides all his emotions , but yet I was energetic , hyper and never fail to help others but it seems time changed that . Time Change everything in our life but yet we have to accept it . Sigh ~ For me , for now , it's impossible to move on . I know , the past should remain dead but it's because of the past that I'm still here right now .
Entry 2: The Very Last Thing You Said To Me
Bestie - I can't believe you're saying this :(
I'm not on good terms with myself lately, but that didnt stop me from giving up. Why are you being this way so suddenly? Bestie, i think you should take a deep breath and let those who's hurting you on the inside go. BEstie, people do change, and all we can do is? Take them for who they are. If they're changing for the wrong side, then all we can do is advice them. Wanting to hear us out or not is their choice, but we, as their friend has already done our part. You can't blame others changes on yourself. Just because others change, that does not mean they'll leave you. I mean, true friends won't. Don't let their changes bothers you. I mean, sometimes it does bother me when my friend change, but oh what the hell? All i said to myself was "i'm just gonna hope for the best, hoping for what is fated of me, i'll accept things as it is, because we have to. People will change eventually, bestie. But all we can hope for was the changes they made are the right ones, you know. I know it is hard to find for a true friends, sometimes i even doubt my own friends because i, myself am not certain about who are genuinely real and who are fakes. Urgh, but this is life and we've got to face what we're given, right? I don't really know what to say to you to make you feel more certain of yourself because i'm tripping myself. It's like i felt as though i'm eating my own words, i feel so moody, i feel so sick and tired of everything, i even feel like putting self-destruction on myself. But i know i can't. I know i've got to be strong for people who cares about me, including you. So bestie, i can't say much, but i hope you'll continue to be strong and put those hurtful memories aside just like how i'm struggling hard to put mine aside. I do feel like you sometimes, the only person who understands me is you and my dad(sometimes). I'm sorry bestie for not being there when you're crestfalling( i ate my own words again). My comp broke down on the wrong timing. It's still not fixed since my dad is not happy about certain things. You don't have to apologise to me for letting it all out, that's what bestfriends are for. I should be the one apologising to you for not being able to do anything apart from giving advices, i'm not truly a bestfriend am i? I don't think i define as one although i'm trying my best :( WAIT, the reason she broke up with you was merely because you told her you don't wanna grow up? That's pretty childish. A boyfriend and girlfriend should accept each other's flaws and problems and fix them together. Like you said, can't blame her since not everyone has the same mindset you know. Bestie, everyone will grow up. Their age grows up, their bod yand hormones grows up. And just because you grow up, that does not mean youre gonna lose your loved ones. No, you got that completely wrong. It's wrong to me. Whoever said that when you grow up i'm gonna stop being your bestfriend?That certainly won't happen. You've got to grow up, i'm growing up. Those who leaves you just because you grow up are those jerks. Come on, you don't need a friend like them. Just kick them out of your wonderful life if that does happen. Life is all about moving on and giving your best in what you wanna achieve and with whom you wanna celebrate your success with. About your grandmother, everyone will die someday bestie. I'm sure she doesn't like you mooning over her death. She wants her grandson to strive his best to keep his place in this world just like how i want you to. Life's a bitch, i know. I barely hold on nowadays. But giving up is not an option. Why waste your time now when you've overcomed far more obstacles than this? I understand bestie, and i don't feel burdened on you piling your problems to me. In fact, i feel honoured to know someone do trust me(when i'm the baddest problematic unsocialise whatever you can name me with chick in the world) at least that's what most tell me. Yeah, i hope we can have that picnic we planned. Don't yo udare talk about death here bestie. LIve your life to the fullest! You still have to taste my home baked macaroni. DOn't you dare to leave this world. You still have a long way to go. It hurts me to know that you're like looking forward to the day when you'll be gone without considering what your loved ones will feel when you're gone. Really? When have i ever been inspirational bestie? I'm the problematic one , remember? It's you. You are the one who motivated me. You lift me up when i'm down. About Farah, i don't know what to say. I'm not the consoling type, but all i can say is, god is fair, he'll give you a girl who'll fight alongside with you no matter what. I know you will. Don't lose hope, you've yet to travel to your future. Don't you wanna know how your future will be? How strenghtened our friendship will be 10 years later? How everything will be? I'm looking forward that's for sure. You've got greater things waiting for you. ANd i hope, you'll be there in my future. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BESTFRIEND. The best friend i've ever had in all of my "bestfriend" history. A hug? Haha -.- I don't know about that bestie, cause i've got a big issue with guys touching me. There's this one moment where a guy accidentally tapped on my shoulder and my hand automatically went to his face -.-" So can we leave out the hug? I don't feel comfortable that's for sure. We'll just, uh, shake hands? lol. If we're fated to meet in the future. Bestie, i hope i can survive in this world. Because this year is starting out so bad for me. I'm just gonna hold on considering that i do have someone who still cares for me. I hope you won't forget that there's someone who'll continue caring for you no matter what. Please be safe, and fill more posiive things in your head. Let's survive this and grab our career together. :'D
I'm not on good terms with myself lately, but that didnt stop me from giving up. Why are you being this way so suddenly? Bestie, i think you should take a deep breath and let those who's hurting you on the inside go. BEstie, people do change, and all we can do is? Take them for who they are. If they're changing for the wrong side, then all we can do is advice them. Wanting to hear us out or not is their choice, but we, as their friend has already done our part. You can't blame others changes on yourself. Just because others change, that does not mean they'll leave you. I mean, true friends won't. Don't let their changes bothers you. I mean, sometimes it does bother me when my friend change, but oh what the hell? All i said to myself was "i'm just gonna hope for the best, hoping for what is fated of me, i'll accept things as it is, because we have to. People will change eventually, bestie. But all we can hope for was the changes they made are the right ones, you know. I know it is hard to find for a true friends, sometimes i even doubt my own friends because i, myself am not certain about who are genuinely real and who are fakes. Urgh, but this is life and we've got to face what we're given, right? I don't really know what to say to you to make you feel more certain of yourself because i'm tripping myself. It's like i felt as though i'm eating my own words, i feel so moody, i feel so sick and tired of everything, i even feel like putting self-destruction on myself. But i know i can't. I know i've got to be strong for people who cares about me, including you. So bestie, i can't say much, but i hope you'll continue to be strong and put those hurtful memories aside just like how i'm struggling hard to put mine aside. I do feel like you sometimes, the only person who understands me is you and my dad(sometimes). I'm sorry bestie for not being there when you're crestfalling( i ate my own words again). My comp broke down on the wrong timing. It's still not fixed since my dad is not happy about certain things. You don't have to apologise to me for letting it all out, that's what bestfriends are for. I should be the one apologising to you for not being able to do anything apart from giving advices, i'm not truly a bestfriend am i? I don't think i define as one although i'm trying my best :( WAIT, the reason she broke up with you was merely because you told her you don't wanna grow up? That's pretty childish. A boyfriend and girlfriend should accept each other's flaws and problems and fix them together. Like you said, can't blame her since not everyone has the same mindset you know. Bestie, everyone will grow up. Their age grows up, their bod yand hormones grows up. And just because you grow up, that does not mean youre gonna lose your loved ones. No, you got that completely wrong. It's wrong to me. Whoever said that when you grow up i'm gonna stop being your bestfriend?That certainly won't happen. You've got to grow up, i'm growing up. Those who leaves you just because you grow up are those jerks. Come on, you don't need a friend like them. Just kick them out of your wonderful life if that does happen. Life is all about moving on and giving your best in what you wanna achieve and with whom you wanna celebrate your success with. About your grandmother, everyone will die someday bestie. I'm sure she doesn't like you mooning over her death. She wants her grandson to strive his best to keep his place in this world just like how i want you to. Life's a bitch, i know. I barely hold on nowadays. But giving up is not an option. Why waste your time now when you've overcomed far more obstacles than this? I understand bestie, and i don't feel burdened on you piling your problems to me. In fact, i feel honoured to know someone do trust me(when i'm the baddest problematic unsocialise whatever you can name me with chick in the world) at least that's what most tell me. Yeah, i hope we can have that picnic we planned. Don't yo udare talk about death here bestie. LIve your life to the fullest! You still have to taste my home baked macaroni. DOn't you dare to leave this world. You still have a long way to go. It hurts me to know that you're like looking forward to the day when you'll be gone without considering what your loved ones will feel when you're gone. Really? When have i ever been inspirational bestie? I'm the problematic one , remember? It's you. You are the one who motivated me. You lift me up when i'm down. About Farah, i don't know what to say. I'm not the consoling type, but all i can say is, god is fair, he'll give you a girl who'll fight alongside with you no matter what. I know you will. Don't lose hope, you've yet to travel to your future. Don't you wanna know how your future will be? How strenghtened our friendship will be 10 years later? How everything will be? I'm looking forward that's for sure. You've got greater things waiting for you. ANd i hope, you'll be there in my future. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BESTFRIEND. The best friend i've ever had in all of my "bestfriend" history. A hug? Haha -.- I don't know about that bestie, cause i've got a big issue with guys touching me. There's this one moment where a guy accidentally tapped on my shoulder and my hand automatically went to his face -.-" So can we leave out the hug? I don't feel comfortable that's for sure. We'll just, uh, shake hands? lol. If we're fated to meet in the future. Bestie, i hope i can survive in this world. Because this year is starting out so bad for me. I'm just gonna hold on considering that i do have someone who still cares for me. I hope you won't forget that there's someone who'll continue caring for you no matter what. Please be safe, and fill more posiive things in your head. Let's survive this and grab our career together. :'D
Entry 1: Being Lost
2011 , you really bad towards me . What are you trying to proof to me ? That you are more superior than me ? I fucking know that ! Life has already shown me what a pain in the ass it can be . I fucking know that ! I need my past for once . I need everything to be like the way it was . Oh god ! What's my sin until you have to make me suffer this way ?! Didn't I pray hard enough for them ?! I know it might not be enough , but please oh please bless them with happiness .
I know , life is full of ups and downs . I used to tell people that every single day . Now , all I can do is cry every single night , praying that the next day would be better . I certainly hope so .
I never thought that the day would come when I lost my one and only best friend . I lost my bestie , the only person I'd ever shared my problems with . I treasure those past 1 year and 8 months and keep our memories close to my heart . I even remember we promised to have a picnic , only the two of us , I remembered we promised to always be there for each other no matter what . I remember we promised to be pillars for each other and preventing either one of us to fall . I remember me telling her this ; 'Bestie , if you can't hold on any longer , just let go . I promise I'll be there to catch you preventing you to fall .' . I even remember the day she asked me , 'wouldn't you be curious about what will happen to us in the future ?'
What happened to us ?
What's my mistake ?
I know , life is full of ups and downs . I used to tell people that every single day . Now , all I can do is cry every single night , praying that the next day would be better . I certainly hope so .
I never thought that the day would come when I lost my one and only best friend . I lost my bestie , the only person I'd ever shared my problems with . I treasure those past 1 year and 8 months and keep our memories close to my heart . I even remember we promised to have a picnic , only the two of us , I remembered we promised to always be there for each other no matter what . I remember we promised to be pillars for each other and preventing either one of us to fall . I remember me telling her this ; 'Bestie , if you can't hold on any longer , just let go . I promise I'll be there to catch you preventing you to fall .' . I even remember the day she asked me , 'wouldn't you be curious about what will happen to us in the future ?'
What happened to us ?
What's my mistake ?
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